Saturday, September 1, 2007

Some Military Humor

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like frui t juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "forced marches," which the DI says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "forced march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter, Alice

A little background

Okay, so here's a little background on my story, and why getting me into the army has been such a project.

In February of 2005, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. I got a shady recruiter, and he convinced me not to disclose a prior injury. In April 2001, I dislocated my right patella. It angers me because I now know that this is a completely waiverable injury. So, I got to basic and couldn't lie anymore, and told the doctors about it and home I went. So, May of this year I contacted a recruiter in my area. It took a while for them to get ahold of me because I had gone through the cyber recruiting on Goarmy.com. I went into Cyber Recruiting and talked to a retired recruiter (we'll call him Mr. H) and he forwarded all of my information to the local recruiting station. Then, Cpl D we'll call him, called me and set up a meeting. He came out (He looks about 18) and scanned in all my information, and was generally about as helpful as a rat. So a few weeks after not hearing from him whatsoever, I called the Station Commander, Sgt O we'll call him, and he assigned me a new recruiter, one that was more experienced in waivers and things.

So, we'll call him Sgt. H, came to my house, and let me tell you, he's a great guy!

A little background on him. Sgt H has never met his father. He knows he spent 20 years in the Army, and was from Nashville as Sgt H is. He'd never even so much as seen a picture of him. He also knew that his first name was, (for privacy purposes we'll say Johnathan) and that his Middle name was (for privacy purposes we'll say Anthony) and that his last name was H. So, he got the email with my information from Mr. H from cyber recruiting, and Mr. H's name just happened to be Johnathan Anthony H. The exact same name as his father. After doing some digging, he found out that Mr. H is also from Nashville just like his father. Mr. H spent 20 years in the Army just like his father. So, now, because of me, My recruiter found his father! How amazing is that? Anyway...

So, my recruiter has really gone to bat for me. He's put in a LOT of work to get me into the Army. It took THREE long months JUST to get me TO MEPS. So, I got to MEPS this past Teusday, and I passed my physical. The doctor put that I have to see an Ortho Surgeon for an Ortho Consult. So thats next Wednesday, if that goes smoothly, I'll pick a job and sign my contract the very same day!

I've got my fingers, my toes, and every other crossable entity on my body crossed. I've never wanted anything as much as I want this. I just hope I dont get disqualified for anything. I just want to get my butt to Basic Training, work my ass off, go to AIT, and get to my first duty station!

If I leave for basic training before the end of September I get an additional $20,000 quick-ship bonus. How amazing would that be? That's not including any bonuses that come with my job or whatever. I still haven't decided on a job. Anyway, I'll write more later.